Journey with God, Wk. 6: Doubt and Trust

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Worship and Gathering
Mason picked up the theme of "doubt" from questions Susan had chosen for discussion. He paired readings of doubt with trust.

The gathering question was, "Do you have a favorite prayer? a favorite place to pray in?" For some of us, it's a conversation with God that can happen anywhere (often in traffic). Forward Day by Day came up a lot. The prayers we love and know by heart included "those who work and watch and weep this night," the prayer attributed to St. Francis, everything in compline, the post-communion dismissal, and the General Thanksgiving (which Scott shares with Brandy: "We thank you for our creation, preservation, and all the blessings of this life." That's her cue to wag her tail.)

We took a moment to review our covenant. Trust is a strong theme in that, too, with "care" and "kindness" for our "brothers and sisters." How are we doing? "Thumbs up" was the consensus.

Yr. D, 1st yr: Michael, Mason; 2nd yr: Lanie; 3rd yr: Joyce, Susan; 4th yr, Jessica, Rita; 5th yr "Wide Angle," Kaye. Mentor: Scott. Absent: Joyce.

Respond
We discussed "doubt" in breakout rooms, and Scott was delighted to see that everyone came back smiling, as usual! These aspects of "doubt" emerged in the various discussions:

• EfM has turned what I learned in grade school "topsy-turvy" and the new perspectives have been positive
• new to see more ways that we should "listen to creation" while we also listen to Scripture
• differences of interpretation were life-and-death matters in the time of the Nicene Creed's development
• the Hebrews keep falling into doubt and fear despite clear signs of God's presence
• "Textural criticism" and some of the "backwards" laws of Exodus were a challenge, but, "People will find what they want in the Bible."

We also discussed the related ideas that there are many keys to interpreting Scripture, and that the end of it all is love for God. We gave some examples of "keys" such as historical context, noticing the form (e.g., poem + sermon + court propaganda), and getting into the story imaginatively. If we read stories only for moral instruction, we miss the richness of them -- Jacob's wrestling with that being overnight, for example. The author said we should not reduce Scripture to do's and don'ts.

Our rector at St. James, preaching on the Jacob story, said, "Live the story, don't decode it." Fearing to face the consequences of his malfeasance, and yet driven to ask his brother forgiveness, Jacob's night time wrestling match is a great image for doubt!

Kaye recommended the 5th year book by Evans, who writes that it's never "whether" to pick and choose the Scriptures you trust -- that's been done since the very beginning (and literal readings have been a recent innovation, Susan pointed out), but it's how you choose.

Reflect
Our last chapters of our spiritual autobiographies focused on grace and/or forgiveness. While the specifics were for our EfM family alone, I'll observe that we trusted each other when we shared some very strong feelings.

Mason's closing prayers were gentle benedictions after these stories of loss, resilience, forgiveness, discovery, blessing, and "a Pentecost moment!"

For Monday:
We engage with the texts and media laid out for our various years. Rita will lead worship and ask the GQ. Remember that Kaye will be on her way to Texas to see her precious grandchild (whom we got to see on her phone). Scott will choose the questions for discussion. Scott is also responsible for bringing a source for our first full-fledged Theological Reflection (TR), and has asked everyone to bring an object that is meaningful to them. If it's not an object that you can hold up in your hand, then it could be a picture you share on your screen. We'll ask for a brief explanation.

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PS from Monday, 27 October - For today's discussion time, I've chosen the second and fourth questions under the "respond" tab. I'm paraphrasing them here:

Images: What metaphors or images (both pictures and mental pictures) did you find in your reading, watching, and listening this week? How does imagery influence your understanding?

The Stranger: In some of the readings, the theme of the "stranger" (a.k.a. "foreigner") arises. We are asked to think of any songs or poems that relate to this theme. I think we can open this up to movies, too. EfM asks how we see in this theme of 'stranger' a connection between God's work in us and the world?

If you don't have a song in mind, yet, you're not alone. The only one that comes to my mind is "Strangers in the NIght."

Journey with God, Wk. 5: Sunsets, Tensions, and Companions on the Journey

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Worship and Gathering
Lanie brought each of us a prayer to read, accompanied by awe-inspiring photos of sunsets in Florida from her recent visit. Where do we find awe and closeness to God? Mountains, shores, and woods all got votes; also, the solitude of a long run, and the eerie calm before an impending storm.

Yr. D, 1st yr: Michael, Mason; 2nd yr: Lanie; 3rd yr: Joyce, Susan; 4th yr, Jessica, Rita; 5th yr "Wide Angle," Kaye. Mentor: Scott. Absent: None.

Respond
Mike chose the question about tensions between religious groups and societal structures. We all contributed to a list of examples, from the materials we engaged with, from history, and from fiction, too:

Mason – in Exodus, the conflict over who will be the master over the Israelites – Pharaoh v. the Lord – the Pharaoh’s magicians could duplicate the Lord’s plagues at first…
Jessica – reading in 4th year – what we now call the separation of church and state was originally intertwined but “church” – authority came from God
Joyce – from book – Roman church struggled – Diocletian and then Constantine – released slaves, took away widow
Kaye – 5th year relates to the tension over midrash, how to struggle with scripture… Video on approach to scripture – in community with God participating --- Plus the tension of Jacob struggling with Israel
Susan – example of the archbishop of Canterbury a woman and rejection
Mike – examples of denominations struggling with queer and non-binary believers, lots of conflict in the church leadership (personal experience)
Lanie – Stephen King THE STAND – the end of days, a wise old woman, and a satanic figure – nuclear war
Struggle over slavery in America – spearheaded by Quakers and other religious groups – white and black as early as the first years of the USA
Tension between societal norms and acceptance of science v. Christian Scientist families that refuse to seek medical attention
Tension between some communal religious groups and the way they separate their children and women and selves from surrounding structures, institutions… Example: Mormons…

We voiced our reactions, and stopped there: we don't have to reach a conclusion or find a solution. It's enough to know that there's no single simple resolution to the tension.

Another question was about any life experiences that came to mind as we engaged with this week's materials? Kaye relived how the story of Abraham's near-sacrifice of Isaac made her feel when she was a child -- and we had a side-discussion about midrash (what Scott called "ancient Rabbi fan fiction") that tried to take the horror out of that event by conjecturing that Isaac was actually a willing participant. Mike identified with the self-doubt that Moses experienced when called to be a leader: he wanted to remain in his comfortable life. Scott responded to the way that the church in the British Isles grew around monasteries (which were also libraries, schools, hospitals), more so than in other places where Bishops held stronger control. Joyce enjoyed learning the reasons behind the rituals and labels she has encountered in her training to be a verger. Susan responded to the cyclical patterns we see in history, and to the humanity of people that her students would have dismissed as primitive and boring.

Lanie's fascination with Mind the Gap got a big response, as she's "struggling to let go" of some of the things she learned as a child. Kaye brought up lectio divina as a way for Lanie and us to get into Scripture.

Scott teased a sneak preview of next week's material. The measure of a good interpretation isn't in its clever arguments and analysis, but in something else. "If you want to know more, you'll have to look at the material for Wide Angle."

Reflect
We shared our stories of pivotal companions on our journey with God.

For Monday October 20 -- taking off Monday the 13th:
Mason will lead worship at start and close, with a Gathering Question. Susan will choose two questions from the "respond" tab for us to think about in relation to the materials we engage with for week 6. All bring our fourth "stepping stone" on the journey: an experience of grace or love.

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PS - Questions for Monday:

First:

Two themes from this week's Engage are different voices and interpretations of scripture and tradition.

• How does doubt play in these different themes?
• How can you support one another with your doubts?
• What roles do you see doubt playing in our culture?

Second:

“Reading Scripture for moral principles or ethical paradigms is reductive. The primary point of listening to scripture is to cultivate intimacy with God.” (Bretherthon 2023)

“The best advice for budding Bible interpreters is usually this: try to obtain as full a set of keys as possible.” (Powell 2018)

How can reading scripture for moral principles be both limiting and expansive?
In what ways might your approach to engaging with Scripture shift toward listening or fostering intimacy with God?
What keys would you use to unlock scripture?
What keys would you want to add to your keyring, or perhaps remove?

Journey with God, Wk. 4: Themes and Challenges

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Worship and Gathering
Joyce turned Ephesians 3:16-21 into a prayer for us to recite. Paul's theme that faith gives power to us turned up again in the spiritual autobiographies. For the Gathering Question (GQ), Joyce asked if any of us had been thought "crazy" or ridiculous because of our faith. We heard

• the employee mocked for "turning the other cheek" to a bullying boss, until the boss was won over
• exasperation from passengers rushing to make a plane when their evangelical driver (me) stopped for traffic signals with no other cars in sight (and Joyce had a very amusing variation on the same story!)
• ridiculous camp skits that did, however, make a teenager feel "on fire for the Lord"
• remaining a calm adult when your older brother baits you like he did when you were kids
• vindication when ridiculous-looking efforts to maintain hair during chemotherapy worked -- and how the elaborate process gives the patient a much-needed sense of control.

Yr. D, 1st yr: Michael, Mason; 2nd yr: Lanie; 3rd yr: Joyce, Susan; 4th yr, Jessica, Rita; 5th yr "Wide Angle," Kaye. Mentor: Scott. Absent: Lanie.

Respond
Before entering breakout rooms to discuss "themes" in our lessons, we took some time to discuss what "theme" can mean. "An underlying meaning... what a story is about... a thread that runs through material -- something that recurs." We took a couple of minutes more to gather our thoughts.

Reporting back from the small-group discussions, we heard of these themes:

• when you hear, also act (and, BTW, how amazing it is to re-read Genesis after many years)
• Christians looked "crazy" to the world of the Jews and Romans, by how they took care of each other regardless of status (a tie-in to Joyce's GQ)
• betrayal
• God's promises
• The connectedness of the ancient world thanks to the Roman empire
• Criteria for choosing which books were holy and which ones were not
• How Jesus's message about The Kingdom of God morphed into a message about "personal sin management" (Kaye, cf. Richard Rohr, Original Blessing)

We also discussed what we learned from the materials' discussions of "context." The historical perspective shows meanings that wouldn't occur to modern readers and also clues to the writers' different purposes for writing. Things that seem random to us make sense when we read critically -- i.e., read for context and purpose. In particular, we discussed why Genesis presents several stories in two or three different versions. The answer? The editors of Genesis compiled sources that were viewed as ancient and authoritative -- even if the sources didn't agree with each other. Like books in a library, these different versions all have something to offer us.

Realize, when we read the people of God in dialogue with each other over centuries, that we are part of that same conversation!

Reflect
We told our stories of challenges to our faith. A recurring theme was that the "challenge" was more like a re-awakening, development, or maturing of faith. Some of us told of challenges to our childhood fear of God. Another theme was trust through long seasons of pain, illness, and loss.

Scott's challenge was a question: what does church add to the believer, beyond the courtesy, curiosity, integrity, and kindness shown by a secular institution such as NPR? Is faith just what Kaye said (after Rohr), a machine for personal sin management? The answer Scott found was in Joyce's opening worship, the POWER that gives believers endurance and boldness to stand up even to autocratic governments and threats from neighbors.

For Monday:
Lessons for week 5. Prepare the third "stepping stone" of your spiritual autobiography, this time telling of a companion along the way who was pivotal to your spiritual journey. Lanie is up on the Wheel of Worship; Mike will tell us which of the four "respond" questions to focus on.

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Journey with God, Wk. 3: Favorite Hymns and Stepping Stones

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Worship and Gathering
Michael chose prayers for opening and prayers about light and darkness for the closing, giving everyone a chance to read. The GQ was about our favorite hymns or spiritual songs. We got Joyful, joyful, Lift high the cross, I sing a song of the saints of God, Easter processionals and This is my Father's world, Abide with me, Be Thou my vision, the 1st song of Isaiah, and Christ, whose glory fills the skies. Most of these were favorites for reasons of association (with a loved one, with a tough time in life) beyond what they say or how they sound.

Yr. D, 1st yr: Michael, Mason; 2nd yr: Lanie; 3rd yr: Joyce, Susan; 4th yr, Jessica, Rita; 5th yr "Wide Angle," Kaye. Mentor: Scott. Absent: Lanie.

Respond
In breakout rooms, we considered "context" in the materials for the different years that engaged us this week. Then we considered themes that emerged from our readings. We found that there was a meta theme, too -- a theme of "growth" in our own responses.

Reflect
We practiced active listening, inviting each other to tell about a stepping stone that contributed to our present understanding of God.

For Monday:
Joyce is up for worship and a GQ (Gathering Question); Rita will let us know which of the discussion questions from the "Respond" page to be ready to discuss. All of us are preparing to speak 5 minutes about another "stepping stone" in our journey of faith: a time when our faith was challenged.

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Journey with God, Wk. 2: An appealing convent and a creepy hotel

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Worship and Gathering
Jessica brought prayers, Psalms, and readings for all of us. At least some of the readings were personal to members.

Her gathering question about upcoming life events brought a host of answers: moving an aged parent for probably the last time; the chance for a promotion; retirement coming; a newborn granddaughter; surgery; a big birthday ("when I'm 64..."); and fingers crossed for a new medication.

Yr. D, 1st yr: Michael, Mason; 2nd yr: Lanie; 3rd yr: Joyce, Susan; 4th yr, Jessica, Rita; 5th yr "Wide Angle," Kaye. Mentor: Scott. Absent: None.

Respond
In breakout rooms, we discussed questions that Kaye chose from the "respond" page of this week's lesson. After each discussion time, we met together to share what emerged. I was very pleased to see that participants shared what they heard from the others in their group!

What struck us? We were struck by the phrase "listening with the ear of the heart," by how active listening is more than just waiting to speak but an engagement of empathy, by lectio divina, by "stability" in the life of the convent, by the ideal of ora labora (to make work a prayer), being aware of how we use our time, and by the admonition to "keep death daily before your eyes."

Another question that Kaye chose for us concerned the way community supports Sister Hannah: "When has community supported us?" Answers that were discussed in breakout rooms included EfM itself, verger training (and now Joyce is joining Jessica as a verger!), outreach from members when we were new to the church, and the Cursillo Community.

Reflect
We took some time to tease specific practices out of last week's exploration of "covenant as family." Read Scott's edition of the results in the previous blog post.

Picking up on what Mason had said about his experience visiting St. James for the first several times, we explored the metaphor of a hallway. Scott had suggested a hotel, which resulted in some creepy images [see photo]. Mason said that this was an image the C. S. Lewis used. Susan suggested an alternative, such as a cafeteria with tables, or a hallway of classrooms with different kinds of activities in each one. "Don't forget that some of us are introverts who don't want 'activities,'" she said.

As this was a truncated TR for the purpose of exercising our ability to "explore" a metaphor, we skipped ahead to "apply" the metaphor to our actual practices at church. We don't want newcomers to feel as if the doors are all shut to them -- that would be "brokenness" in the world of the metaphor. We don't want to pull them unwillingly in to rooms, either. We found a healing answer in hospitality, in some kind of table offering that would draw people out of their rooms, where everyone could see others' faces.

We realized that we had imagined Communion! This unlocked a flood of stories from our own experiences. We reflected on the unifying effect of seeing all these people from all walks of life getting to the altar rail by skipping, or holding little ones' hands, or gripping the arm of a younger adult, or staying seated for the priest to come out to the pew.

For Monday:
Each year has its own tab for the material they're going to "ENGAGE" this week. There's an overview "setting the stage" each week, and one or two videos, and then one or two chapters in printed text. Under "RESPOND," there are questions for all of us to discuss during our meeting. Lanie was voluntold to choose two of those, so I recommend that we all take some time to think of our answers to those questions, so we'll be ready for her choices. Michael will lead worship.

Spiritual Autobiographies begin this week: you each have five minutes to tell the group of a "stepping stone" in your life that contributed to your current understanding of God. (Subsequent stepping stones will be about a time of challenge to your faith, about a companion on your journey, and about an experience of grace.)

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Journey with God: Covenant for our EfM Family

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Jeremiah’s promise that the new covenant would be “in our hearts” (31:31-33) gave us the idea that a covenant could be like family relationships (as contrasted to, say, a contracted business transaction). As we explored what families are like, our ideas of our own group’s special covenant took shape.

You don’t choose your family, but you’ve got to take care of them.
• Hopefully we can all feel free to express ideas and/or concerns without being judged or ostracized. open to all ideas - safe to express our thoughts and/or ideas in a loving and caring way.
• Actively encourage others to speak… Don’t speak twice until all who want to speak have spoken.
• We take care of our little brothers and sisters, we help them grow…

As all members of a family have expectations, we must not be selfish about what we want a session to be.
• Let’s not manipulate others.
• Allow give and take.
• Practice active listening… respect our conversation, respect our time together… not multi -tasking on our various screens

We trust each other not to share our brothers’ and sisters’ personal stories outside of the family.
• We’re not hiding any secrets in EfM, and we want our excitement to go out into the world — but what we share about ourselves is confidential.
• When we tell stories that involved other people we know, we’ll leave names out – because we don’t want to violate their privacy either, or prejudice our brothers and sisters towards them.

As a family encourages individual growth, members must respect differences.
• Avoid topics that are known to likely be sources of disruption. Partisan politics off limits
• If a disruption occurs within EFM group, we should take time to recognize/acknowledge the disruption, and then agree to move on so that we can reconnect to the point of the class or topic at hand.
• Willingness to be open and receptive to the support of others. Open to resolving differences in theological views –
• Be careful: none of us is in a position to say “That’s wrong” – part of EfM is to open up more than to shut down – not to judge -- never say “But” or "no" – instead, say, “yes, and...” --

What else do we find in family life that pertains to EfM life?
• personal value ("dearness") of each member – and practice “kindness” (from “kindred”)
• We do our chores and meet our individual responsibilities.
• We come to dinner on time!
• We pray for each other.

Every family has its inside jokes, its favorite movies, its fun places they all like to go – let’s allow ourselves to enjoy each other and our time together.

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Journey with God, Wk. 1: Beginning our journey

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Worship and Gathering
Scott read the collect for the day, then asked three things: What do you like to be called? What drew you to EfM this year? And: what is special in the place you're Zooming from?

We learned the EfM tradition of "mutual invitation," and also learned a Zoom feature that helps us to sort those who have spoken from those who haven't yet been heard.

We were zoomed in from all across the nation: Georgia, Alabama, Texas, and New Mexico. One room had been a beloved aunt's den, and is now full of the aunt's spirit. Another was surrounded by photos and even a statue of family. Another was visiting the home of her first grandchild, born just two days before. For some, what was special was outside, and one zoomed in from the outdoors, with dogs in attendance.

Reasons for joining EfM this year included those with a strong sense of commitment to finishing what they've started; a longing for deeper spirituality; and curiosity to explore theology.

Yr. D, 1st yr: Michael, Mason; 2nd yr: Lanie; 3rd yr: Joyce, Susan; 4th yr, Jessica, Rita; 5th yr "Wide Angle," Kaye; Mentor: Scott. Absent: Mason sent word that hand rehab was going into O.T.

Respond
We offered reasons for beginning every EfM year with spiritual autobiographies. We took some time to list some "stepping stones" in the development of our own sense of God.

Reflect
After the break, we looked two weeks ahead to the first lesson when we'll all be "engaging" with different materials. Though the materials are different, the discussion questions are for all of us.

We also scrolled to the bottom of the "Journey with God" path and found "Appendix for Everyone" after Week 36. It contains dozens of helpful resources, including a file of gathering questions and another with suggestions for worship. Jessica volunteered to bring worship and gathering question for next week.

Then we read what Jeremiah wrote about "covenant" Jer. 31.31-37. Scott read aloud from his Oxford Study Bible, and then Rita read from the Complete Jewish Bible.

• Identifying a focus: covenant's personal nature distinguishes it from a contract, give and take, and, from Jeremiah, this sense of dearness and love. When Susan suggested that Homeowners' Covenants aren't voluntary, we looked at how "family" isn't voluntary, either: You don't choose your family, but you love them, said Joyce. The Covenant of a Family became our image/metaphor.
• Exploring the image, we broadened our idea from "Father" to include both parents and older siblings, loving and protective at their best. Disruption comes about many ways, from smothering overprotective love, from death or divorce, from abandonment, conflict, and loss of trust. How do you know it's gone wrong? Sometimes you don't. Kids grow up thinking, "This is just the way things are." We all agreed to loathe the saying, "It is what it is." Redemption / restoration may require intervention from someone "outside the circle" who can "reassure the child that they're worthwhile."
• Connecting these ideas to other sources of wisdom in our lives. From Culture, we had the inevitable comparison to Oz, where she's not getting the attention and protection she feels she needs -- and Toto, too -- and it takes the tornado crisis and a journey to re-connect. From experience (or "action") we had the unhappy story of the outside mediator whose intervention was not helpful for the university department, because there wasn't "buy in."

To Apply our reflection, we wrote in chat. These ideas, and more from our reflection above, will become the basis for our formal covenant next week. From Joyce: We have to be protective of each others personal stories that are shared within the group.

From Jessica: If a disruption occurs within EFM group, we should take time to recognize/acknowledge the disruption, and then agree to move on so that we can reconnect to the point of the class or topic at hand. We should approach each conversation with respect and confidentiality.

From Lanie: Hopefully we can all fee free to express ideas and/or concerns without being judged or ostracized. Maybe a better way of saying something, open to all ideas and knowing we are safe to express our thoughts and/or ideas in a loving and caring way.

From Rita: Willingness to be open and receptive to the support of others. Avoid topics that are known to likely be sources of disruption. Another cliche, Be Kind.

For Monday:
CORRECTION: Jessica volunteered to lead worship and bring a gathering question. CORRECTION: Kaye volunteered to choose one or two of the questions for discussion found at Week 2's lesson on the "Respond" page. She'll let us know which ones to think about. All of us are going to share a "stepping-stone" from our spiritual autobiographies, one that illustrates what has contributed to our current understanding of God.

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